Jesus Wept

Sometimes when I feel like life has thrown me into a washing machine the only thing I want to do is WRITE. It’s at these times I wish I had my friend Marcie’s ability to put my thoughts into words.

It’s Christmas Eve. Caleb and I will be up at 6:30 AM to open our presents. I’m grateful Caleb still gets excited to wake up early. I would be embarrassed if at 21 years old I was the only one still excited about it.

Tonight we gathered at my grandma and grandpa Porter’s home to eat and do our traditional white elephant exchange. My nephew Luke was upset after it all because he wanted a different present or another present or something like that. My sister Hannah turned to me and said it is so hard to teach little kids to be grateful for what they have. They just always want more or better, and can’t understand being content with what they are given.

Yesterday I watched my sister Betsy’s kids for a few hours. Porter all of a sudden started whining that he wanted his mom. If you know Betsy’s kids you know that is unusual. They are the most easy going kids I know and rarely ever ask for their mom when someone else is babysitting. Anyway, I told Porter that she would be home later, but he kept crying and saying “I want her now.” I tried to explain that I know he WANTS her now, but there is no way she could come home at the moment and he was just going to have to wait.

Jesus Christ often counsels us to become as little children. Observing these two experiences with my 3 and 4 year old nephews I realized I’m a lot like a little child. I often want more and better without being grateful for what I already have. I also have a hard time being patient: when I want something, I want it NOW. Unfortunately, I’m sure that’s not what the Savior meant when he told us to be like little children. I drop to my knees and plead for one thing or another over and over again, and I can imagine Him saying to me as I said to Porter, “I know you want it now and I want you to have it, but you just need to wait.” I can hear Him telling me that it’s so hard to teach His children (meaning me) to be grateful for what they already have.

We read accounts in the scriptures of Jesus weeping. He wept as he visited the Lamanites and Nephites as a resurrected being in 3 Nephi. He wept over Jerusalem’s wickedness in the book of Luke. He wept when he came to the tomb of Lazarus, his friend, in the book of John. He wept in the book of Moses over His people who had forgotten their Creator and chose to hate and do wickedness. I’d like to think that He has wept a hundred thousand times more with me. It is comforting to know that He has felt what I feel and he has wept tears of sorrow and tears of joy with me. The King of Kings has wept with ME. Tomorrow as I open presents to celebrate the Savior’s birth, I will be thinking about how I couldn’t ask for anything more than what He has already given me. MERRY CHRISTMAS!