Old Friends

This morning I got to spend time with some of my oldest friends (old as in I've known them for a long time, not as in age). Lauren Tyler first became my friend in AP U.S. History with Mr. Williams. We decided we were going to hang out with this cool group of boys who ended up being our best friends for the rest of high school. We're all still friends and occasionally we get together with whoever isn't on a mission. This morning it was Richie and JR. I love being around them-we have so many good memories together and always have so much fun whatever we do. Lauren and I made a deliciously healthy breakfast and then we played the guitar for a little bit.

I moved all my stuff out of my apartment today. With each trip I made out to my car I got sadder and sadder. I decided I hate change. I hate saying goodbye and leaving people I love. I told my roommate Liz today that she can't go on a mission anymore because I want all my friends to live within a minute of me all the time. I'm going to sleep at my apartment one last night before I say goodbye to my girls for a long time. Luckily my good friends Jenny, Lauren and Mallory are going to stay in Provo so I can still see them whenever I want.

The Good Things

Lately I'm having a strange desire to just write all the time.

No one can easily come up with good things about a break-up. Truth is they just suck. I don't usually say that word but how else can you accurately describe them? I have thought long and hard and decided maybe I have come up with some good things.

1. I get to spend quality time with my favorite friends. I am convinced there is nothing greater in life than the love of a true friend and I am lucky to have some of the best friends (including my family members) ever.

2. I can feel justified in eating a few more treats than I would usually allow myself. At the same time, my appetite is not at it's peak so I don't eat too much of anything. It's maybe the one time when I achieve a perfect balance-eat what I need but no more or less.

3. I feel prettier. Probably because I'm conscious that when I look good I feel good so I make sure to look good every day. But also because I look in the mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful, capable and desirable--because it's a time when maybe I don't feel those things as naturally. One man's loss is another man's treasure.

4. Independence. My sense of 'there is nothing stopping me from doing whatever I want' is at it's best. I have this much more time as a single individual to really do a lot of cool, fun, and good things.

5. I can do weird things. Yesterday I drove to Utah Lake. It was freezing and the wind was blowing. I opened my arms to the wind, threw my head back, made a wish and then through a lily into the water. It was relaxing and freeing. When I have a hard time letting go of things I like to do something that at least symbolizes the act of letting go and breaking free. My excuse for doing weird things like that? My BF just broke up with me :).

So there you have it. I at least found 5 good things about a break-up.

You can see my orange Lilly floating in the water.

Utah Lake is actually kind of pretty! Who knew?

I went to Red Robin with my roomates and our best friends down the hall.

I Must Have Been a Dancer

Today in my Parenting & Child Guidance class we watched a short clip ABC did like 10 years ago about teenagers. They were saying that teenagers are at a different stage of cognitive development from adults that makes them think completely different. They said teenagers have more creativity because they essentially answer questions with the part of the brain that goes off instincts instead of logical reasoning. They have so much ability to be creative because they don't think about their limits--about what they can't or shouldn't do. Obviously this is a problem for some teenagers--it's why they are notorious for getting into trouble. But imagine if we could, as parents and teachers, help our teenagers channel that creativity and fearlessness. Young people truly do have the power to make the world a better place--nothing stops them from doing what they want.

I was thinking about that a lot today and I wonder when the cut off is. When do you stop thinking like a teenager and start thinking like a 'practical, reasonable' adult? I left my teenage years behind not even 2 years ago so do I still have some of that thinking? Did I ever think that way?

I performed in my ward talent show on Monday. I sang "Orange Colored Sky" by Natalie Cole. I was so nervous but had more fun than I've had in a long time. You know on Saturday's Warrior how Pam is dancing in heaven and says everything will be fine on earth as long as she can dance her way through life? Pam was born with a birth defect that caused her to be in a wheelchair all her earth life. I kind of think I was a good dancer in heaven because I am very passionate about it as a means of expressing emotion--only I was born super uncoordinated. I kind of look funny when I try to incorporate any kind of entertaining moves into my vocal performance. It was interesting but fun.

These pictures are from a few years ago but I was looking through my pics and kind of liked these.

I Can Do Hard Things

2 weeks from tomorrow I'll be wearing the second graduation robe and hat I've worn in my life. I'm not so sure it will be the last time I wear that garb either. Yes, I'm not quite 21 and I'm graduating from BYU. "What are your plans?" is an all too familiar question I've been asked at least a million times. Usually I try to come up with some answer that sounds good and sounds like I've got my life together, but really the honest answer is I have no clue!

All I want to do is teach aerobics and work as an office secretary until the "i'm sick of school" wears off and I apply for graduate school. So I guess that's my plan. In light of recent circumstances I find myself alone, again, and quite out of energy to be a part of the Provo dating life. Bitter? Nah, just tired. I'll finish up my aerobics certification in June, run the Wasatch Back and then hopefully pack up my bags for an experience outside of Utah for awhile. Going to New Zealand shortly after Kameron left on his mission was the greatest choice I ever made, and I think another change in scenery will do me some good this time around too.

One of my favorite Family Life professors, Jeff Hill, makes it a point to teach three important lessons to his classes. They are lessons he teaches on the first day of class, show up on every test and throughout almost every class period--and probably the only things I remember from the classes I've taken from him. These are lessons he learned through a difficult time in his life (his wife passed away from cancer a few years ago leaving him with 8 children).

1. When things don't go as planned, don't get frustrated--make the best of it.
2. Life is hard--but we can do hard things.
3. Things take time.

I've brought these lessons to my mind on many occasions to help me through difficult times, and they have served me well once again. I can do hard things....and like Paul said to the Philippians, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)